Here is the transcript of the talk I gave in sacrament meeting yesterday:
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A couple months ago I had a really hard time falling asleep.
Instead of visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head, I had the words of a
sacrament meeting talk streaming through my brain like they were on an
electronic marquee. As the hours passed,
my mind continued to spin and sleep remained elusive. Eventually, I gave
up. I pulled out my phone, and thumb-typed all the thoughts I could recall.
When I got it all recorded, my mind finally quieted, and I thought, “Hurrah!
Next time I’m asked to speak, I’ll have a brilliant talk all ready to go!” And
here I am!
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that
my brilliant 2am insights, when examined by the light of day, were largely
nonsensical drivel, but they were at least a starting point for the thoughts I
want to share today.
****
First some back story.
When I was a senior in high school, I got in an argument
with one of my good friends, a devout Christian, about whether we are saved by
grace or works. The next day at church I skipped Sunday School and spent the
hour poring through my scriptures. It wasn’t long before a member of our Stake
Presidency noticed me and stopped to ask what I was up to. I explained about
the argument I’d had with my friend and asked him to please help me find more
scriptures that proved we were saved by works.
He looked at me for a moment before answering, “Erin, we
aren’t saved by works. We’re saved by grace.”
I was floored. I had attended church every Sunday since my
birth. I had completed over 3 years of seminary. How could I have
misunderstood such a fundamental doctine?
****
I wish I could say that this bombshell revelation led me to
explore, research, or study the concept of grace more in depth, but it didn’t.
I mentally filed the information away, but continued on with my regular life.
It wasn’t until many, many years later, when I was doing
dishes late at night listening to a podcast of a BYU devotional by Brad Wilcox
that my thoughts turned back to the topic of Grace in a major way. Brother Wilcox’s
devotional, entitled “His Grace is Sufficient” was so fundamentally paradigm-shifting,
that I finished washing no dishes that night. I stood motionless, transfixed by
his message and it’s implications in my life. When the podcast ended, I
immediately started it over and listened through again.
That started a long and deliberate study of the doctrine of
grace.
Now, I’m not going to pretend that I understand everything
about the concept of grace (that's the task of a lifetime), but what I have learned so far and come to
understand has lifted a tremendous burden.
****
Growing up, I was a kid who cared a lot about getting good
grades. I imagined the Celestial Kingdom
as a place for the “A” students. I knew what it takes to earn an “A.” I
understood that it involved a lot of work. I knew that there’s not a lot of
room to make mistakes if you’re aiming for an “A.”
I lived with a constant fear of falling short, of not
measuring up.
Even worse, I had a subconscious belief that life was graded
on a curve, and therefore, what really mattered was being better than everyone
else.
So there I was, caught between a desperate fear of failure
and a constant need to compare and prove myself better than others. It wasn’t
pretty. In fact, it was terrifying. It was alienating. It destroyed relationships.
It also wasn’t doctrinal. I fundamentally
misunderstood the way and means from which salvation comes. I had no practical
understanding of Grace.
****
You see, it is not possible for me to earn or work my
way into heaven.
Certainly, the scriptures make frequent reference to the
“merits” necessary to get into heaven. But here’s the not-so-secret fact I
missed; every single time merits are mentioned, they refer to the merits of our
Savior, Jesus Christ.
I’m probably a bit on the slow side. The scriptures are
filled to the brim with reminders of our total dependence on Christ, but I
would not or could not have ears to hear and a heart to understand.
The Book of Mormon says over and over again, in no uncertain
terms, “there is no other way nor means whereby salvation comes except through
Jesus Christ.”
Elder M. Russell Ballard
expands upon this concept saying:
“No matter how hard we work, no matter
how much we obey, no matter how many good things we do in this life, it would
not be enough were it not for Jesus Christ and His loving grace. On our own we
cannot earn the kingdom of God, no matter what we do. Unfortunately, there are
some within the Church who have become so preoccupied with performing good
works that they forget that those works—as good as they may be—are hollow
unless they are accompanied by a complete dependence on Christ.”
Elder Ballard could have been speaking those words directly
to me.
****
Now, some of you who are still awake out there might be
thinking, “This talk of grace is all well and good. I can get behind the
necesity of our Savior. I get that we need Him, but what about works!? The scriptures say we will
be judged by our works! Surely you’re not discounting those scriptures, right!?”
I had the same question, and in some ways I still do.
After all, most of us are more than familiar with the
scripture, “it is by grace that we are saved after all that we can do.” In our
faith tradition, we tend to place the emphasis on “after all that we can do.”
I think there are a number of aspects to consider when
discussing grace and works. When CS Lewis was asked his opinion on the grace
vs. works debate, he responded, “I have no right really to speak on such a
difficult question, but it does seem to me like asking which blade in a pair of
scissors is most necessary.”
Elder Uchtdorf also addressed this paradox, saying,:
I wonder if sometimes we misinterpret the phrase “after all
we can do.” We must understand that “after” does not equal “because.”
We are not saved “because” of all that we can do. Have any
of us done all that we can do? Does God wait until we’ve expended
every effort before He will intervene in our lives with His saving grace?
Many people feel discouraged because they constantly fall
short.
I am certain Nephi knew that the Savior’s grace allows
and enables us to overcome sin. This is why Nephi labored so
diligently to persuade his children and brethren “to believe in Christ, and to
be reconciled to God.”
After all, that is what we can do! And that is
our task in mortality!
I once heard a podcast of BYU professors discussing the
“after all we can do” scripture and it’s doctrinal paradox. One of the professors
drew a parallel between the wording found in this scripture and the wording
found in another scripture in Alma, chapter 24. In this chapter the King of the
Anti-Nephi Lehi’s (remember them? The
murderous and blood-thirsty Lamanites who were converted?). Their King explains
the role of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in the lives of his people. Looking in verse 11:
11 And
now behold, my brethren, … it has been all that we could do (as we were the most lost of all mankind) to
repent of all our sins and the many murders which we have committed, and to get
God to take them away from our hearts, for it was all we could do to repent sufficiently before God that he would
take away our stain—
And so,
the professor concluded, “ALL WE CAN DO” means repenting and take advantage of
Christ’s Atonement.
Of course,
I don’t want to follow or preach the gospel according to some random and now
anonymous BYU professor, so I spent extra time studying this idea. As I read through the Book of Mormon as part of President
Nelson’s challenge last fall, I specifically zeroed in and marked every
instance where the prophets discussed being judged by our works. Then I went
back and examined the passages together and in context looking for the specific
works mentioned.
What I
found was remarkable. Almost every scriptural reference to judgment for our
works was tied to repentence. These passages weren’t long lists of all our
to-do’s, rubrics with required assignments and subsequent grading evaluations.
No. They suggested we would be judged primarily by how well we repent and turn
to Christ. Or, as Elder Uctdorf already said, “to believe in Christ and be
reconciled to God.”
Given
this slightly altered perspective of the interplay between grace and works,
Elder Uchtdorf asked the obvious question:
If grace is a gift of God, why then is obedience to God’s
commandments so important? Why bother with God’s commandments—or repentance,
for that matter? Why not just admit we’re sinful and let God save us?
Or, to put the question in Paul’s words, “Shall we continue
in sin, that grace may abound?” Paul’s answer is simple and clear: “God
forbid.”
Brothers and sisters, we obey the commandments of God—out of
love for Him!
Our obedience, our repentence, and our works are important.
They are evidence of our love for our Savior who has done so much for us.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen elaborated:
The Great Mediator asks for our
repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt
to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with
the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character.
Not only are we saved by
grace, but we are also changed by grace.
Fundamentally, our job is to follow Christ. To turn our hearts
over to him and be reborn in his image. As we do so, our works should naturally
follow. Not as a checklist to earn our way into heaven or prove we are more
righteous than those around us, but because we have experienced that “mighty
change of heart” and “have no more desire to do evil but to do good
continually.” In other words, perhaps we are not so much judged by the merit of
our works, but rather our works become an evidence of what we are “becoming.”
As Brad Wilcox puts it, “we
aren’t earning heaven, we are learning heaven.” As we learn more of Christ
and develop a personal relationship with him, we become more like him. HIS
image shines from our countenance. We make choices from a position of love and
security and identity and belonging. We don’t see heaven and the Celestial Kingdom
as unattainable and exclusive (a place only for the “A” students), but rather,
as Home. And we believe that our Father wants us home and provided a
tender, personal, perfect way for us to return there into His loving
arms.
So today, I offer an invitation to all of us - to trust
Christ when he says that He is the way, the truth, and the light.
Let go of the fear. Let go of the comparisons. He wants each
of us to return to Him. He has ALREADY paid the price for you and for me. His
Grace IS Sufficient.
I testify that Jesus Christ lives. He is our Savior and our
Redeemer. The plan of our Heavenly Father is personal, merciful, and loving. At
the judgement seat, as Christ advocates for me with our Father, what I hope He
can say is, “She’s with me.”
