Summer Chore Challenge 2017

Another summer, another Chore Challenge.  There may come a time when the Summer Chore Challenge loses it's appeal, but this is not that year!  

We "officially" started yesterday, June 1 (I like to give my kids the full 3 months of summer, even though we we're not completely done with school until June 15). We've spent the last month discussing and finalizing our task lists, and everyone is eager to get going.  Based on attitudes at the outset, I'm guessing this will be an all-around successful endeavor.

A few months ago, I was asked to give a workshop at a women's conference on the topic of using chores to help our kids build character.  I'm pretty sure my name came up as a result of the chore challenge idea (because it's certainly not because my house is spectacularly clean!).  The request came at an opportune time; I'd realized that we'd slowly drifted away from having the kids as involved in helping around the house, and we were all developing some bad habits and attitudes.

Preparing for this presentation gave me the opportunity (and incentive) to dive back into the "why" behind the "how." I read a bunch of books (some old favorites, some new gems), and spent a lot of time re-wrapping my brain around why it's worth all the extra work (and occasional grumbles) to teach our kids to work and give them responsibilities in the home. 

The two books I found most insightful were:

The Parenting Breakthrough, by Merilee Boyack*

The Entitlement Trap, by Linda and Richard Eyre*

*Note - I do not endorse nor necessarily agree with everything written in those books, but I appreciated the concepts behind why we must teach our kids how to work.

So, let's answer the obvious question: Why do we want our kids to do chores?

There could be many true and correct answers to this question, but for me, there are two primary and ultimate reasons: First, so they can grow up to be capable, successful adults! 

When kids wake up on their 18th birthday, they won't suddenly and magically be endowed with the knowledge and skills necessary to navigate the rigors of adulthood. If, in our attempts to be loving, we do everything for our children, all we've really done is handicap them.

"Those who do too much for their children will soon find that they can do nothing with their children. So many children have been so much done for they are almost done in." -Neal A. Maxwell

In their book, the Eyre's lament what they see as a growing epidemic of entitlement: 

"Entitlement' is the best name we know for the attitude of children who think they can have, should have, and deserve whatever they want, whatever their friends have — and that they should have it now and not have to earn it or give up anything for it...

"Entitlement is a double-edged sword (or a double-jawed trap) for kids. On one edge it gives kids all that they don't need — indulgence, dullness, conceit and laziness; and on the backswing, it takes from them everything they do need — motivation, independence, inventiveness, pride, responsibility and a chance to really work for things and to build their own sense of fulfillment and self-esteem."

It may sound discouraging and daunting (and it is!), but that's where having a vision can be empowering! Keeping the end goals, the "whys," in mind can guide all our decisions.

The Eyre's suggest an antidote to this entitlement epidemic:

"Feelings of entitlement are always connected to a lack of work and sacrifice and ownership. When people (adults or kids) don't work for something, or give up anything for it, they never feel the pride of owning it or the will to care for and develop it. A sense of ownership is the antidote to entitlement."

Thus, my second main reason for having my kids do chores, and work, and help around the house is to help them feel that sense of ownership in our home and family.  

Once we have a solid understanding of, and a commitment to, the "why," we are ready to start thinking about the "how."
I maintain that there is no "one" or "right" way to teach our kids to work. Just like all kids are different, so are all parents, and all families, and all circumstances.  What works perfectly at my house, might be a total flop at your house, and vice versa.  No big deal.  We just turn our focus back to our reasons behind undertaking these endeavors, and adjust and change and innovate as much as needed.    There are times when it all flows smoothly, and times when it all falls to pieces.  That's just part of the cycle.  No one with kids ever said parenting was easy!

That being said, in her book, Boyack present some "Principles of Training" that I think are worth considering:

• Introduce the why of things to increase buy in (adjust accordingly based on age/individuality)
• Introduce upcoming training sessions in advance
• Hold Observational training periods (where the child just watches the task be performed and receives instructions)
• Vary trainers (Mom, Dad, siblings, grandparents, church leaders, etc.)
• Hold several training sessions (consider using detailed, written checklists/instructions)
• Don’t insist on perfection for a long time
• Allow practice before incorporating into daily routine
• Vary tracking methods
 • Avoid over-praising
• Tie passing off of training items to privileges - Want to earn babysitting money? Pass off CPR, making phone calls, changing diapers, etc. Want to get driver license? Pass off various car maintenance, insurance and finance-related items.
• Use rewards and incentives (continuous reinforcements work best when first learning a new behavior or skill, while intermittent/random reinforcements work better once the skill is acquired)

If some of these sound familiar, it's probably because I based the Chore Challenge off of these ideas and principles! Here's a link to the details of how Summer Chore Challenge works: link here.

Boyack also put together a "chore checklist," or a long list of tasks and skills our kids need to master before they're ready to enter the adult world.  The list is certainly not exhaustive, but it's a really great starting point.  For my purposes, I removed the age suggestions; I found them more restrictive then helpful.  However, in general, the tasks move from easier to harder, or younger to older.

I do love a good checklist!

Obviously, even if we are completely diligent, our kids will enter adulthood with gaps in their skill sets.  My youngest sister (child #6 of 8), told me how she watched all her older siblings leave home to live on their own, then regularly call Mom to ask questions about how to do things.  This sister rolled her eyes and thought, "They were so dumb not to learn all that before they left!" While my baby sister was remarkably well prepared to move out, she did have to eat her words a bit when, just a week into college life, she had to call home and ask Mom how to boil an egg!

We don't need to let the pressure of preparing our children overwhelm us.  As always, we just do the best we can.  I read a quote a while back that has really stuck with me. "The call is to faithfulness, not success." We cannot control the outcomes (even though I sometimes really, really wish I could).

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A few more thoughts from my presentation...

When is it best to start teaching our kids? Where possible, earlier is better.  Typically, kids ages 1-4 are eager helpers.  They mimic what they see. They want to please and are happy to have opportunities to contribute.  Often, I just need to step back and allow them to "hep," even though it slows me down or makes a bigger mess.  Nellie (21 months) has taken upon herself the job of collecting the empty grocery bags after a trip to the store and putting them away under the sink.  I make a point of thanking her and telling her, "You're such a big helper!" I want her to internalize the idea that, Yes! She is a helper! Yes, she is a hard worker!

When she sees her older siblings doing chores, she wants to be right there with them. Thane is (usually) great at teaching his siblings how to do chores and letting them help.

The "golden time" for training our kids to do chores is probably ages 5-12. By these ages, most kids are capable of learning and completing tasks well.  They're also usually still receptive to instruction and teaching from parents.  I'm constantly reminded how much I underestimate my kids (and, to be honest, I'm occasionally floored by how inane they can be). When we give them opportunities to step up and take on responsibilities, especially with good training, they can rise to the occasion. 

My oldest is 11, so I have less experience with teens.  I imagine that, when working with teens, getting buy-in would be the main objective.  I'd probably also try to brain-storm with them and have them generate ideas to make the learning and doing process successful.  

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One of the things I'm really good at, is stealing good ideas from other people. One of my friends, Ashley, is extra great at consistently having her kids work.  For example, every day her kids (ages 9, 7, and 5) are responsible for wiping down a bathroom. That is something we will be implementing in our family after the summer (because I'm using the Summer Chore Challenge to train my kids to do this task!).

Ashley also has her kids assigned days on which they are the "sous chef," and help with dinner preparation.  Truth be told, it's a ton more work for Ashley, but her kids will be such capable adults! We will also be implementing this idea once school is finished in a couple weeks.

In one of her "Principles of Training," Boyack suggests varying the tracking methods.  A simple google search will show tons of different options, from wheel charts to sticker charts. Some are very complex (like the Eyre's suggested system), some are simple and practical, and some are really fun.  Here's a really fun idea a friend posted last year on Facebook.  When my kids are a little older, we will do this!

Outside of the chore challenge, I'm much less fun.  My kids have some assigned, regular chores, but mostly we've been operating on what I call the "Blitz System." In other words, I write down all the things that need to be done, and we all get to work and keep working until everything is checked off.  For the moment, this system works pretty well.

Here are a few other ideas I came across in preparation for my workshop: 
Zone Management – House is divided into zones, and each person is responsible for keeping his/her zone clean and tidy all the time. Zones rotate on a regular schedule 
“5 Minute Frenzy” – See how much can be cleaned in just 5 minutes of intense work. 
Monthly rotation – Assigned chores for a month at a time. Monthly rotating rather than weekly rotating helps kids do a thorough job, knowing they'll have to be revisiting the same job for awhile. 
Random Choice – Weekly chores are chosen randomly (i.e. drawing from a hat or pop balloons)
•After meals, everyone picks up their own dishes plus 3 more items. 
•Hide pennies around a room the child is cleaning and provide a reward if he/she finds them all by diligent cleaning.  
•Leave a note on the table that reads, “Meet in the car at 2pm and bring a note saying your chores are completed.” Then go out for a treat or an adventure.

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Okay, that might have been the longest post ever, and all people were really interested in were our chore lists for this year, right? Sorry.

A couple twists for this year. First, at the kids' request, Mark and I are joining in! Granted, our lists aren't so much "chores" as summer goals, but I think it will be motivating for us as well. Second, I made a couple tasks *mandatory.  Those are tasks that they must know how to do well before fall because they will become regular chores.  If they fuss, they still have to do the training, but don't get to mark it off on their chore challenge.

Now, finally, here are the lists:

Aubree (11):

1. Collect/take out trash
2. Change poopy diapers
3. Cook 5 meals/can opener
4. *Wash Dishes
5. *Clean bathroom
6. Disagree respectfully
7. Run 1+ mile (10 times)
8. Wash laundry
9. Read Scriptures
10. Floss teeth
11. Mop kitchen
12. Sweep kitchen
13. Make smoothies
14. "Balance Bender" Workbooks, Levels 2 & 3
15. Wash car

Bryce (9):

1. Peel vegetables
2. Complete a unit of Hoffman Piano Academy
3. *Load dishwasher
4. Run 1+ mile (9 times)
5. Parent choice reading (8 books)
6. Math/school/coding practice
7. Chop vegetables
8. Water backyard plants/lawn
9. Tie a tie
10. *Clean bathroom
11. Floss teeth
12. Sweep kitchen
13. Sweep bathrooms
14. Memorize Articles of Faith
15. Blog

Thane (7):

1. *Empty dishwasher
2. Vacuum downstairs
3. Jog with mom or dad 9 times
4. Complete a unit of Hoffman Piano Academy
5. Parent choice reading (8 books)
6. Dust
7. Floss Teeth
8. Sweep porches
9. Memorize 10 Articles of Faith
10. *Wipe-down bathroom
11. Vacuum Car interior
12. Fold Laundry
13. Make own breakfast/lunch
14. Take out food waste
15. Math practice/games

Graham (5):

1. Memorize phone/address
2. 100 Easy Lessons
3. Make bed
4. Disagree respectfully
5. Jog with mom or dad 9 times
6. Memorize 6 articles of faith
7. Wipe own bum
8. Read 10 books
9. Set the table
10.  Open sliding car door
11. Unbuckle car seat
12. Pee standing up
13. Sort clothes
14. *Wipe down bathroom 
15. Wipe down outside of cabinets  
Mom:
1. Play games with kids
2. Exercise/races
3.Clean out Garage
4. Meal Plans
5. Dentist/Dr Appts
6. Family History
7. Read Alouds
8. Hikes
9. Art projects with kids
10. Floss
11. Scripture study/temple
12. Blogs
13. Co-op planning
14. Visiting Teaching
15. Invite friends over 
Dad:

1. Play games with kids

2. Exercise

3. Clean out Garage

4. Temple

5. Family Scripture Study

6. Read Alouds

7. Bike rides

8. Will finalized

9. Financial/retirement plans

10. Jogging

11. Programming Lessons with kids

12. Cook

13. Clean out dryer vents

14. Personal Reading

15. Communicate with extended family

I'm always happy to share our checklists with anyone who's interested. Just comment on this post (with your email address) or shoot me an email.

I will report back at the end of the summer and we will see if my favorable prediction holds true.