Insta-Graham

Just couldn't resist the pun.  Or his adorable face.  He'll be nine months old in a few days.

T at 3

I forgot to add this to Thane's birthday post yesterday.  Here are his answers to a few questions:

Favorite Color: Black

Favorite Food: Tortellini

Favorite Dessert: ice-cream

What do you want to be when you grow up?: be a dad

Favorite Friend: Bryce

Favorite Thing to Do: go to restaurants

Favorite Song: Dingle, Dangle, Scarecrow

Favorite Church Song: Come, Follow Me in English

Favorite Book: Flap Your Wings by PD Eastman

*Recently these sports shorts and shirt have become Thane's favorite things to wear.  He calls them his "sprinkle" shorts and his "sprinkle" shirt.  When I asked why he called them thus, he looked at me incredulously and responded, "because they IS sprinkle shorts."  Of course.

 *More adventures in fashion... Don't you wear your t-shirt like this?

T is 3!

Thane was born in Florida, and shortly thereafter we jetted off for a family reunion in Pennsylvania.

For his first birthday, we took a two-week trip to Texas.  

He spent his second birthday soaking up the California sun.  

This year we went ... to McDonalds.

Hopefully he wasn't too disappointed.

He started off his Special Day with week #3 of swimming lessons.  All the kids are making rapid progress, and Thane is no exception.  

He refused to take a birthday nap, but still managed to get to stay up late partying.  After a visit to the "Golden Arches" (of ALL possible dinner options, he had to choose there), we came home for birthday cake, ice-cream, and presents.  

Thane takes dessert eating seriously.

I had a terrible time trying to think up a gift for Thane.  What would he want that we don't already have?  I finally hit on what I think is the perfect solution - a water table.  Of course, once it arrived the weather turned cold and rainy again, so we haven't had a chance to officially test it out yet.  

Happy 3rd Birthday to our clever, independent, capable, handsome, curious, wonderful boy!  We love you!

Homeschooling Pros/Cons 3: Socialization

When I informed my family that we had decided to homeschool Aubree, my high school aged brother could not hide his concern. "Please, Erin," he pleaded, "just don't let her turn out weird!"

My first reaction was defensive, "of course she won't be weird!"

But as I thought more about it, I wondered if maybe "weird" was such a bad thing.  Would it be weird for her to get along with her parents and siblings as a teenager?  Would it be weird if she avoided profanity, and acted and dressed modestly?  Would it be weird if she continued to enjoy learning?  What about staying true to the faith of her youth?  That would definitely be weird in today's culture.

Oh, I know what my brother was referring to; he was worried about her lacking social skills and not knowing how to conduct herself in social settings.  We're all more than familiar with the stereotypical, painfully awkward homeschooled kid, probably because we've met or seen a few who bring the stereotype to life.

Homeschool play group

But my brother's comment highlights an important problem - when we use the term "socialization," we might be talking about very different constructs.  Here are just a few possible variants on the definition:

1. "Socialized" to act and think like others (adopting the societal norms) 

2. Learn social skills necessary to function well in society. 

3. Learn to deal effectively with difficult circumstances and people.

4. Make socialistic (adopt the theories of socialism)

What do you mean when you say you're concerned about "socialization?"
Here are my thoughts...

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No doubt, whenever the topic of homeschool is broached, the "socialization" issue is paramount.  But there are a few important things we need to clarify right off the bat.

First, today's homeschool is not what it was 15, 10, or even 5 years ago.  The choice to homeschool used to be extremely uncommon and therefore isolating.  As homeschooling has become more popular and mainstream, the social resources available have also swelled.  In most areas, there are plenty of  people with whom to play, do co-ops, hike, etc.  Additionally, many businesses (and even school districts) see an untapped, lucrative market and have started to offer additional services to cater to homeschoolers during the day (swim classes, structured learning, outdoor adventures, science projects, recreational opportunities...).  In fact, most parents I know complain about being so busy "socializing," that they have a hard time getting all their schoolwork done!

Second, let's look a little closer at the "awkward" stereotype.  I get it. I had the same concerns about "weird," socially maladjusted homeschooled kids, because I'd seen them.  But let me push back just a little....

Plenty of public schooled kids are incredibly "weird" and socially awkward, yet no one seems to be blaming the public schools for that!

Oreo cookie phases of the moon

Okay, I will admit that there seems to be a slightly higher percentage of "those" kinds of kids among the homeschooling set, and there are a number of possible reasons for that (including the fact that some parents pull their socially struggling [often Autism spectrum] children out of public schools after enduring long years of bullying and hostile environments). Additionally, parents who choose to homeschool their kids have already proven a willingness to buck social customs and norms, so I guess it shouldn't be too much of a surprise if their children choose to do the same.

My personal, slightly controversial, theory is that generally (certainly not always), kids' social abilities are closely tied to the social abilities of their parents.  And though I've definitely run across real-life examples of these stereotypically strange kids among homeschool circles, the vast majority of homeschooled kids I see are remarkably capable across myriad social situations.  In fact, some of the most trendy, socially sophisticated families I know homeschool!

So, do I worry about my kids' social abilities?  Not really. 

Mostly because I generally consider Mark and myself to be fairly socially adept (please, no need to contradict me here!), so I think we can model that for our children.  We also make it a point to give them plenty of opportunities for social interaction.  In addition to church activities, we are involved in co-ops, play with neighbor kids and church friends, host play dates, take some public school led classes, run preschool groups, join sports and swimming, and attend community events.

To push back even further, consider this question... Who says that spending all day, five days a week with kids exactly the same age constitutes appropriate socialization?
I know that's what I grew up with, so I felt that it was correct and right.  But I've since become aware that segregating children into same age classes and teaching the same curriculum at the same rate, is a relatively new phenomena (related to the industrial age).  (For an eye-opening and fascinating look deeper at this topic, click on the link to see Ken Robinson's TED talk: Changing Education Paradigms.)  

Ideally, homeschooled kids will be better prepared to deal with "real world" situations, because they would have more experiences in the real world - interacting with multiple ages, participating in how life truly works at home and in society.  

******

Do I sound overly defensive?  I promise I see the other side and this will ultimately be a balanced post!  It's just that the socialization thing gets harped on so intensely, and much of it is based on faulty premises, so that's where I started.  Moving on...

******

Recently, a dear friend was telling me about some challenges her lovely first grade daughter is experiencing with friends at school, including bullying, ostracism, rumors, and making poor choices in order to "fit in."  As I listened, there was a part of me thinking, "Phew! I am SO glad Aubree doesn't have to deal with all of this drama."  

But.  

There was also a part of me wondering, "What is Aubree missing by not experiencing and learning to deal with just this type of  'drama?'"  

If we believe that she will face difficult social situations frequently in her life, is she better off by dealing with them to a lesser degree and on a smaller scale when young? Will she then be better prepared to handle them appropriately later?  Or is she better off avoiding negative exposure at such a young age?

To look at it another way - does dealing with difficult social situations at a young age have a vaccination-like effect, providing emotional "antibodies" to help deal with harder challenges later on?  Or is enduring them more like contracting a debilitating childhood disease,  resulting in long-term emotional and social scars and disabilities?

"Braiding Train"

These questions are the crux of the battles in my mind.  Where do we draw the line between protecting and loving our children well, and over-protecting and possibly stunting them?

I've sat in a number of meetings recently (mostly church) where the topic focused on the youth.  I hear the speakers assert, "There is a war raging between the forces of good and the forces of evil, and the prize is the hearts and minds of our children."  I agree, and around me I see other parents and leaders nodding their heads in assent. The speakers continue, "Every day we are sending our children behind enemy lines."  I look around, everyone is still nodding.  I'm not.  The conversation quickly moves on to ways to help prepare our kids to deal with these realities.  

I'm still stuck ruminating on the idea that we're sending our kids "behind enemy lines." I think about the little I know about war and wonder if this is this how parents and teachers really feel?  If so, isn't it worth asking the questions, "Should we be sending our kids into enemy territory every day?  Is it good for them?  Is it the best choice?"  The answer might be a resounding, "Yes!" but I think it's at least worth asking the question.

Children who homeschool do generally stay innocent longer.  One day, when we still lived in Florida, we met a homeschooling family at Disney World.  As we chatted, she told me, "When I brought my kids home from public school, I regained three years of innocence.  My kids stopped giving me 'Attitude',  went back to playing with toys they'd given up years before as 'childish', and returned to being sweet, kind, and cuddly."  I would dismiss her experience as anecdotal, except that I've heard it repeated over and over again.

The question comes back to, is that a good thing?  How do we best prepare our kids to be functioning, capable adults?  What are our primary goals?  The answers might be vastly different for each child, family, and circumstance.

******

A couple months ago, new neighbors moved into the house just behind us.  We were thrilled to discover that they also homeschool their two daughters.  As we chatted, the mom admitted she was surprised to learn that we were LDS.  "You see," she explained, "I had an LDS neighbor in Oregon with 10 children who told me that it was against your Church's doctrine to homeschool.  She said you believe you have a responsibility to 'be a light' to others, and that means going to public school."

Despite being annoyed at that members obvious misinterpretation of doctrine, I will admit she does bring up a valid point.  We are instructed to, "be in the world, but not of the world," to look for opportunities to share the gospel, and to seek to be an influence for good to others.  Public schools can provide an excellent opportunity to do all of those things on a regular basis.  

Along with that, what, if any, is our responsibility to the community in which we live?  Do we have an ethical obligation to support our local schools?  What would happen if all the families that had the inclination/ability to homeschool decided to pull out of public schools?  Would that have a dramatically negative effect on the public schools?  Is it selfish to only think of the needs of my children?  

Or, is it arrogant to think that we are even missed or that we are a positive force?  Does the size of the community make a difference in our level of responsibility?  For example, I have friends who live in tiny towns where the school is the central focus/common denominator/unifying entity.  Whereas where I live, there are so many kids, and so many schools, that perhaps the local school not as huge of a community driver.

So many questions.  Not so many answers.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Floating homemade boats

******
Stay tuned for the final installment: "Odds, Ends, & Updates," coming soon. 

Summer? Is that You?

Long-time Washingtonians assure me that summer semi-reliably arrives by the end of July.  But last week my calendar still read "May," so somebody is confused!  

I'm not sure if the week of warm sun happily coincided with nesting-like urges to "get things done," or if it was the cause of said urges, but regardless, it was a productive week for the record books.

We officially kicked things off before the sun arrived, when Mark took Bryce on his long-anticipated train ride on the Snoqualmie Railroad.

 No one would be shocked if I said he loved it, right?

 Once the sun and warmth arrived, we took full advantage of every minute.  We took Graham on his first stroller ride up to the neighborhood park.

There, we ran into a cute friend who generously let my kids take turns driving his jeep.  Scary times, for sure!

 

I signed my kids up for swimming lessons.  REAL swimming lessons this time.  We'll keep at it until at least Aubree and Bryce can actually swim.

I was unsure how they would do in a more focused, serious environment (especially Thane, who has spent almost no time in a pool).  We spent a lot of time talking about "exercising our courage," and how the more we exercise it, the bigger and stronger it gets.  So far, they all love it, though it's definitely pushing each of them out of their comfort zones.

Every afternoon found us outside riding bikes and playing with neighbors (Graham got extra love and attention from our adorable neighbor girls).  That's one thing about Washington... when the sun is out, so is everyone else!

At our Co-op, the preschoolers learned all about insects.  We took advantage of the lovely weather and trudged outside to examine worms and ladybugs and caterpillars.  

The wings on their backs are a result of their metamorphosis from caterpillars into butterflies.  People at the grocery store where we stopped on our way home from the co-op probably didn't get that.

Friends invited us over for a morning swimming in their hot-tub.

And made us smoothies to boot!

Mark packed up Bryce and Thane and took them to our Stake Father/Sons camp-out.  This was Thane's first Father/Sons campout and by all reports, they had a blast.  

While the boys were away, the girls got to play.  Aubree and I (and Graham, of course) went out to eat with a bunch of friends, then stayed up late to watch a movie.  

And the biggest undertaking of the week...we built and started planting a garden!

I've been wanting to do this all Spring, but it always stayed in the "I sure would like to..." stage.  But then our friends asked if they could park their truck at our house for a week while they flew to England.  "Please, use it!" they insisted.

With a truck at our disposal for just one week, suddenly "sometime" turned into "right now."  We hauled lumber and dirt, annoyed our neighbors with incessant hammering, earned some fabulous blisters, and ultimately accomplished our goal!

Inspired by the garden's success, I also planted a Jasmine (to remind me of the home where I grew up), and four blueberry bushes along our back fence.

Oh yeah, and some strawberries too.

It remains to be seen how quickly I can kill off well our plants will do, but it's exciting to look out the back window and see things growing.  

It was a good week.

Saint Marti of the Mountain

Understandably, much has been said and written lately about my dad.  My memories of him usually revolve around things he said, advice he gave, and stories he told.  He lived a very cerebral life.

Such is not the case with my mother.

Though brilliant in her own right, Mom is a woman of action, service, and example.

In honor of Mother's Day this year, I'd like to share some of the reasons why I consider my mother one of the greatest blessings of my life:

*Mom is an unfailing optimist.  She anticipates the best outcome in difficult situations and works tirelessly to do her part to make those expectations a reality.  When hard times inevitably come, she forges onward, step by arduous step.  I sincerely doubt she has any idea just how strong she is, or how much strength of character and integrity she's developed and modeled as she's faced the trials and hardships of her years.

*On a related note, Mom has a special gift for seeing and bringing out the best in those around her.  Everyone loves my mom.  It's nigh unto impossible not to.  In fact, none of my siblings ever went through an "I hate my mom" phase.  In our teen years, my sisters and I would often discuss in confusion how our friends were always talking about their "terrible" mothers, and would express our gratitude that our mom was so great.

4 generations: Marti, Edith, Erin, & Joni

*Oh, certainly my mom wasn't perfect!  She'd probably be embarrassed if I tried to insinuate that she was.  There were times she was overwhelmed with a household of crazy kidlets.  I remember a few occasions when we were being particularly naughty and she was chasing us around the house and we wouldn't stop, until finally, she stopped, dropping to the ground in a puddle of frustration and tears.  We kids knew that we'd gone too far and felt great regret at causing our mom sorrow.  As a mom myself now, I still can't grasp the scope of the burden she carried, and stand in awe that she held it together the vast majority of the time.

*Mom also possesses an incredible humility and willingness to laugh at herself.  She had a particularly funny way of dancing that we liked to tease her about, and she always laughed along, exaggerating the moves for our benefit.

*When I was in 8th grade I decided I wanted to be a softball pitcher.  Mom had seven kids by that time, but she still supported my dream, helped me arrange weekly lessons, and drove me back and forth to those lessons.  Even more amazing, though she lacked any previous experience, she stepped in as my catcher, chasing crazy throws and enduring countless bruised shins.  How she found time for this, I can't imagine.

*I always knew the Gospel was important and real to my mom.  I don't recall her preaching to us, but she wore her heart on her sleeve.  During hymns or talks in sacrament meeting, my siblings and I liked to tease my mom that she had, "sprung a leak," when the predictable tears flowed.  I clearly recall finding her kneeling in quiet, fervent prayer alone by the side of her bed, and as I tiptoed away, her testimony anchored my soul.

*My mom has always been a shining example of hard work and she never shies away from difficult tasks.  She writes weekly letters to my brother on a mission detailing the events of her week and forwards those letters to the rest of us kids.  By the end of reading those letters, I'm exhausted!

*Mom recently went back to college, but she has always possessed a childlike enthusiasm for learning.  As kids, that meant it was pure torture to go with her to any museum or historical landmark.  She'd want to stop and read every. single. sign and placard.  She is forever asking questions, seeking to understand.  As I get older, I find myself becoming more like her in this way and I find it thrilling.

*When I was in labor with Graham, Mom was at the airport waiting for her flight back to her California.  It was a difficult situation for both of us.  As I paced the deserted hospital halls, exhausted and emotional, we exchanged text messages.  Trying to be light-hearted, I joked, "Sorry you're stuck at the airport hours before your flight...want to switch places?"

She typed back, "I would do anything for you."

Her answer was anything but light-hearted.  I could feel the intensity of her sincerity course through my veins.  And though she couldn't actually take away my burden, her willingness to do so buoyed me up.

*More than anything she DOES, the most important thing about my mom is her never-ending quest to BECOME like Christ.  It's the deepest desire of her heart and that's obvious to anyone who spends time around her.  She is the walking epitome of the scripture found in Matthew 5:16:

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven."

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I never wondered why Dad called you, "Saint Marti of the Mountain."

How Great Thou Art

Today is my dad’s birthday.  He was born 5-2-52, pretty neat, eh? 

As it’s the first birthday since he passed away, the question arises, “how do we celebrate this day?” 

What does the rulebook suggest?  Is it a happy day?  A sad day?  Both?  I don’t know.

This morning while driving to Aubree’s violin lesson, we were singing a variety of songs.  In honor of the occasion, I thought it would be appropriate to sing my dad’s favorite church song, “How Great Thou Art.”  

I have a theory that you can tell a lot about a person by their choice of favorite song, so as we sang, I pondered the words and considered what they might have meant to my dad.  As I did, I was suddenly struck by the realization that the progression of the verses paralleled my dad’s progression in testimony.

*****

My dad once explained to me his view of the Gospel.  He believed in God.  “Just look around,” he insisted, “God’s majesty and power is evident everywhere.” 

He appreciated the Church and felt that, "there was no better place or way to raise children.”

The first two verses of the song indicate this level of belief:

O Lord my God! when I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

When through the woods and forest glades I wander

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees

When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur

And hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Then came moments of deeper reflection and awareness - when Dad came to know for himself the necessity and power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  With a broken heart and a contrite spirit, he sought to turn his life over to his Savior.  The Gospel was no longer a “nice program,” but a means for personal salvation.

And when I think that God His Son not sparing

Sent Him to die- I scarce can take it in

That on the cross my burden gladly bearing

He bled and died to take away my sin

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

And finally, before he was able to make all the changes he fervently desired, his End came and he was called Home, imperfect but devout, to reunite with his beloved Redeemer.

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation

And take me home-what joy shall fill my heart!

Then shall I bow in humble adoration

And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Happy Birthday, Dad.  Thank you for teaching me that it’s never too late to change and for being willing to fight for your family and your faith.  You are not forgotten and I look forward to seeing you again.